flickering hope ;)

believe.

now i believe.

i believe things will be going well.

i believe the bond between us is strong enough. :)

There's always a hope, not too far away.

Childhood days :D

I don't feel like cheating, and just wanna express my actual feeling.
Perhaps it will hurt someone's feeling, perhaps i'm just that selfish...
I wanna get the greatest pain so that i can heal faster.

Perhaps this is what i want.
BUT NOT FOR OTHERS.
but still,i'm using my way to get things well.
sorry, and i don't make thing well, but the other way.

i mess up problems.
i make things worse.
i'm a typical 'chicken grandma' perhaps.
but i just can't stop myself from trying out all the methods just to find peace among people.
but instead of making things well, i seem to have just.........

i guess i'm over confident over myself, thinking that i can handle everything by myself.
i'm tired of being looked down by people around since i was young.
"aiya, she's so timid, impossible she can do that lak."
"aiya, she's just a kid in mama's hug."
"aiya, she only knows to find mama each time things go wrong."

CAN YOU JUST STOP THAT PLEASE.
IT'S HURT.

though i never mentioned, but my heart was seriously hurt.
and i couldn't remember how old was i that time...
i was being despised by people, worse off most of them were the ones who were the closest with me.

i cried in silent, i asked myself why.
thousands whys in my heart that had never had answers.

until i was 13....
i changed a lot. :)
but i was sure that i'd been changing to the worse.
YES, I HAVE BECOME MUCH MUCH BRAVER TO DATE.
but.. i don't feel like believing in HUMANS anymore.
because HOMO SAPIENS always bring hurt to me.
and all those shitty things came from the closest persons around me.
allow me to laugh at myself, just take a second to feel pity at myself.
 ;)

the hurts have given me too much trauma.
until form 2, i met 2 person that knew me so much well than myself and gave me so much care.
till now, i still wanna thank them so much for having given me so much attention, no hurts, but treated me with true hearts.
i was touched.

perhaps they were right.
my thinking was not suitable for my age.
it was much mature than what i should have in that age.
but if u met all those shitty problems from young, facts told me that..

YES, A PERSON WILL GROW UP FASTER, AND GET TO KNOW THINGS MUCH BETTER.

i admitted. i'm mature.
either physically or mentally i guess?
hahahaha. but i should be happy in this year.
because most of the people said i looked like a Form3.
happieee! ^^

Now, i had forgiven all the people that were used to give me the hurts.
because their presence made me understand things better and get to know the reality earlier than ever.
it's good it's goood.
hahahaha.

between beLIEve, there is always a lie.
noone never tells lies, including to the person you love.
no matter it's a positive lie or negative one, they are still LIES.

YES, I TOLD LIES. 
When i was young, there're thousands of liesss to my parents. hahaha.
i think everyone would agree with this. ^^

to date, friends are soooo much important to me.
in fact, i was being bullied since i was in the kindergarten.
not wanting you guys to feel pity towards me, but for me....
i really think that those were memories to me, and if i have the chance to meet them again....

SERIOUSLY I WOULD PISS THEM OFF! xP

i came from Tadika Superkid.
i lived very far away from my kindergarten when i was small.
so i always board a van to school.
and here came a boy and a girl who were SIMPLY CUTE AND NICE.
they always borrowed books from me and then used their files to make a WALL enough to shield what they gonna do on my books.
stupidly, THEY TEAR MY BOOKS. *wtf

and stupidly, they returned to me with a broad wicked smile.
stupidly, i thought they were FRIENDS.
on reaching home, i only stupidly found out that my books..........
and i will stupidly react like this :

"eh? how come my books become like this? mama.........."

and my mummy will just help me to paste it back, no more.
hahahahaa. stupidly i also thought nothing much about it.

stupidly the next day when i passed up my homework, my teacher asked me for the reason.
i said.. "i don't know, someone in the van borrowed my book and returned me like this....."
teachers looked worried about me, but still...
everyday...the same thing happened again and again....
and STUPIDLY, i can't understand WHY ON EARTH I KEPT ON BORROWING THEM MY BOOKS FOR THEM TO TEAR APART !?

Yau Wei Ying, you are just a stupid. LOL.

but now, i know how to protect myself. no more stupidity for others to TEAR MY BOOKS ANYMORE. 
GRRR xD

ahhhh, recalling everything since i was young....
i just realised...
how much had i changed.
to the better one or the worse ??
hahahaha, i don't really feel like wanna know anymore. :)


Y: i will always appreciate people who gave me their true hearts, giving me the genuine love. :)
and they will always be my friends ever. ^^

JPJ test ! ;D

DAMN! i'm so exciteddddd now!
hahahahah!

today's outlook. ;)

i've passed my car test! and im a REAL PEMANDU now, no more illegal driving. XD
hahahaha! feel happy for me! because i will go and fetch u soon!!! ^^

the night before, i'd no idea why on earth i couldn't fall asleep!
nervous? or thinking what to do after getting license !? xD
or.... SPM ?? ><

i think i was thinking all nonsense.
i should have had a good sleep so that i would be more energetic today LOL.
lying on the bed, i found myself tossing about on the bed, feeling so bad.
because i was so tired, still i couldn't fall asleep.
i nearly took up my phone and started calling peopleSSS to kacau them up.
but at last i didn't.
feel so fortunate??  山水有相逢 xD

1 hour, 2hours, 3 hours.............
and then when i opened my eyes, it was already 6am.
GOD, let me sleep for more a while pleaseeee.
but i had to get up to prepare as my agent would reach my house at 6.40!
dearrrr, how could i drive later! my eyes..
and today was my bigggg day.... JPJ day !!!!

i started getting more nervous and nervous..
and i was fortunate to know 3 sweet girls there.^^
they were even more nervous than me!
so funny lak we all. hahaha.

reaching at 7am. we started practising.
BUKIT........ PARKING.......... TIGA PENJURU..........

JPJ test started after waiting there for an hour.
i tried to listen to musics to sooth away my stress.
and IT WORKS! ^^
but when the Bukit test started, still, my heart could be heard pounding loudly and rapidly. TT
i've got friends who failed in this, and i was so afraid.
i was the 10th. seeing the 1st person kept on 'rolling down' from the slopes.........

this is every driver's nightmare? hahahah!

AMITOFO, ANG KONG BO BI! 

seriously i said that! hahahaha!
reaching my turn............
sitting into the car, i started mumbling to myself.......
"don't get nervous.....just like how i practise just now....check seat....safety belt....go~~"
going up to the slope, going to reach the tiang.....

STOP!

oh damn it! the brake! so much different with the previous car i drove. once i stepped on it, it's like emergency brake! =.=
ah!! my tyre only got into the yellow lines for about 80% i think.
I THOUGHT I WOULD FAIL!!!!

but actually your tyre got into it for 75% then it's ok.
yorrrrrrr.. shy......
when the tester asked me to raise my hand, i said.......

"tyre tak masuk lagi......(my face KIU~) "
"memang sudah masuk dah..angkat tangan...."

ar??? like this also can?
hahahaha! and i passed that part! oh yes yes yes!! ^^
parking and tiga penjuru were surely not much problems ad.
yeaii, end this part. feeling so relieved after that because the only thing i was afraid of was that stupid slope.
LOL xD

JALAN RAYA.
people said women testers are always more strict and fierce.
and YES, THEY ARE.
i met a woman who purposely don't smile and give me THAT kind of face.
ish. she made me forget to test my wiper!!

"kenapa tak test wiper?"
"ah.....(damn it)..sorry..."
"tak pa, i pangkah saja...."
"..."
(we need 16/20 marks to pass.now here comes the 1st pangkah. arghh.)

fine!! pangkah me! so fierce for what.
i'm just a 17 year-old girl. PA PA you know. TT
but fortunately she had nothing to scold me on the road. hahahaha!
and i passed. OH YESSSSSS!!!!! ^^

the rest is history.
now i'm going to have my own sweeeeeeeeet sleep.
i think i can sleep already?? hahahah!
anxiously waiting for my PPPPPP. hahahaha.^^


byebye people! ;)

Now onwards, I shut up.

i saw my own shadow on her.

why on earth will all these sucky things influencing everyone around me??

keeping a relationship warm for YEARSSSS. 

is that really sooooo hard?????

perhaps.

i've been thinking of this for monthSSSS.

problems after problems arised from this damn year of 2011.

cold wars, keeping emotions to ourselves.....

there shouldn't be any hesitation to tell the truth to friends, isn't it ??

or maybe that's only my own opinion.

because i always tell everything out, no matter your good or your bad.

maybe sometimes it's really hurtful, still.. this is just because I CARE.

i never simply say someone doing wrong for certain thing.

because i don't care.

the same thing i do, u can do it to me too.

we just have to accept all those critics to make ourselves better, don't you think so??

BUT..

perhaps i'm really a suckie stupid people, who always use the wrong method to solve problems?

i thought i can but actually i always can't.

sorry if i make things turn out to be even more complicated or mess up everything.

maybe i should really keep my mouth shut and just be totally indifferent to things than happen around me.

then the world of us will be full of PEACE...???

with the problems hanging in the air, without taking even a mere attention on the particular incident??

I GUESS, YES.

because i'm just an idiot who will never be able to solve that thing.

i thought i'm so clever enough.

over-confident???

alright, end.

TIME FLIES, PEOPLE CHANGES, FEELING CHANGES, CARES ARE SUBSEQUENTLY BEING KEPT IN OUR OWN HEART.

This is the fact, AGAIN?? 

why on earth are there having so much facts??

can't we change it? can't we just ignore those facts and create a new fact???

RUBBISH!

If we live to follow those facts, it's totally meaningless!

what am i angry at?? why am i feeling so hurt?? why am i being so 'chicken-grandmother' ??

there's a guy telling me before, girls always have their own friends' best interest in their hearts.

maybe this is soooo true.

because of that, we care too much. 

because of that, we can easily feel hurt.

because of that, we've no more beliefs in people.

because of that, jokes have become something too much between us.

time always goes on, but people seem to remain in the very first step, not willing to step forward to look at a wider scope.

i admit, i'm the one too.

but time is also a good healer, isn't it?

things that go wrong, i've already accepted all of them, and each time i walk down my memory lane, i found myself to have earned alot.

till today, i'm not that that weak anymore.

Perhaps, everyone has their own way to look over certain matter.

some people choose to hide, some people choose to solve, but there are a few smart people who choose to be happy all the time.

REVEALing, is always the best way for me. 

no matter what consequences i would face, i would choose to reveal.

at least... i can end that part after telling out.

i won't be suffering from all those shitty stuff, i can move on.

life is like a brief candle, one snuff, and it's out.

look, there are so many disasters happening all around the world of late.

Flooding Thai is the best example.

4000++ people staying in Thai airport had to be moved to other safer places.

they were struggling so hard to stay alive, moving here and there, even though they lost their homes and belongings.

we are that lucky because we are not the victims.

we can still sleep soundly in our very own sweet home.

we can eat to the fill, we can go for school, we can hang out with friends.

don't we feel grateful enough?? 

if yes, why don't we just face things optimistically and appreciate every second we live in this very own world with happiness??

although we will face the ups and downs in life, but look back at these victims.

feel yourself to be the fortunate people, smile.. life goes on. ;)

Random feelings ;)

Yor. landing in a mood of something like... PMS ??

wtf.

why on earth that girls have to suffer from this but boys don't?

UNFAIR!!

yea, this recently i've really learnt alot.

from the trip to KL, until coming back from there.

I strongly feel that.. 1 Malaysia is a dream, a target that is not THAT easy to achieve.

but anyway.. it somehow or rather had ended.

thanks to the people that were being by my side, listening to my heart at the very moment when i needed that most.

i can't imagine if she wasn't there for that moment.

i think i would really suffer from short breath??

heee, she'd consoled me for some time and successfully calmed my weak heart down.

i really love her sooo much.

mmmmuacks! ^^

and surely there's another person who just accompanied me all along thru the phone. ;)

74260744~

and wanted me to continue until everything was finished.

because i literally gave up that particular event.

thanks~~ ;))

although we didn't successfully enter the final, but the experience we got was more than enough.

chances are always there as long as we try hard again for the next year.

hee., though i might not be there already. because i will be already GRADUATED!

and i will be walking into another different part of my life.

anxious yet, afraid.

special feelings of facing my future. :D

I LOST MY STUDY MOOD OF LATE.

I GONNA BANG MY HEAD INTO THE WALL ALREADY.

SPM IS GETTING NEARER AND NEARER.

trying harddddd to regain that back.

and stop thinking nonsense lak aiyor.

Ying Be'loved! don't forget what's your real target! 

im this happy when i was small. 

nothing goes wrong in that world. ^^ 

Choir People, XOXO! ^^

YES. they are my currently BFFsss. they are all my choir girlfriends! ^^
we've been together for months already and also gone for a few competitions together!
we've also gone thru a lot of practices of course!
and everytime we like to make NOISESSS until ah sir tried so hard to blow his PIT PIT just to keep us quiet.
BUT....

sad to say, sir.. you fail to do it as well.
hahahahah!

we've gone thru the happiness and sadness together in these few months....
we ate Chai Kuey provided by ChaiKuey Wei.. ( HAHAHA! )
we won in the competition and shouted like siao poSS as well.. xD
we also losed in the competition WHICH WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.
***p/s: we losed,not because we are bad, it's just because of those freakin stupid HONOURABLE JUDGES who disqualified us without investigating the truth!!

by the way, our good guy sir had already sent in the complaint letter.
and we're now waiting for the great newsss.....

after that incident, i found that we're getting even more cooperate and our relationship got closer too!
we shouted at the top of our voice when we're blamed by those STUPIDSS.
ermmm.... rude words??
hahahaha!
it didn't matter for that moment either.
we just wanna reveal everything inside our heart.
our feelings of hurt! DAMN IT.

but it's alright now!
THIS MONDAY WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT WITH THE WHOLE MALAYSIA'S CHOIR GROUPS FROM EACH STATE!

NATIONAL LEVEL PATRIOTIC SONGS COMPETITION!

ROCKS THAT! ^^

it must be soooo awesome. xD
just enjoy it! take it as a trip..to watch the PERFORMANCE performed by 16 groups in the whole m'sia.
SOUNDS GREAT RIGHT!? ^^

"girls, don't give up so easily before we fight.
no matter how will the results be, we are always the best choir group!"
*copyright reserved by Sir Chan Kok Peng. :P

hahaha. i love you all! keep in touch always ya!

Ying Be'loved xoxo <3

我看见了 她的眼泪

原谅我没能够多注意你的空间
原谅我不够为你着想
原谅我从来没站在你的那一方去想想你的感受
原谅我一直不够了解你
原谅我在你最不开心时没能陪着你
我说我们是好朋友
但是我这个朋友 似乎根本没做好自己的责任...

2933, 404327808 <3

Mood status : LOWWWW.

mood : low.
smile : less.
laugh : no.
thoughts : SHITTY!
study : try to concentrate. -,-
sleep : not really well.

Recently, i've been in this condition.
thinking nonsense again and again.
i'm really a typical Virgo girl.
my goodness~
what the hell is running in my fckin mind.
i can just think of anything NEGATIVE once i'm alone/quiet/listening to songs ETC ETC.

HECK. im seriously annoyed by a lot of stuff.
where has my happiness gone to?
seriously, i need a hug, just a big yet warm hug.
i need a shoulder, it doesn't have to be broad, but let me feel safe.
i need a person, who can be able to accompany quietly until all my tears dried and i fall asleep.


and this is only given by my lover, GIGI.
hehehe. *GIGI is my garfield lol.

hoping to own a poodle! it's just sooo cute,and it must surely be a goooood listener. ^^

fckin days, fckin minds!!!!!

Unique human beings, unique us. ;)

YES. No matter how, life still goes on.
Having cared for something or someone too much is not really a great idea.
try to escape from that circle and look at the big big world.

WOW. IT'S SOOOO NICE~~~

hahahaha. what am i talking about ? LOLLL.
anyway, anything.
at least i'm now so relieved and happy to see that everything turns normal again.
maybe not now, but it's coming sooner.

APPRECIATION. i learnt it. ^^

Human beings are just something so unique.
Although we are being the same creature, but we can never ever understand a people so well until you could see through what's running in his or her mind.
So at least what you can do is just to treat people around you sincerely with true hearts.

STOP CHEATING AND BEHAVING LIKE YOU'RE SO PRETTY CLEVER INTERFERING WITH SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN'T.

But unfortunately, the world is full of bad hats, full of people with jealousy, hatred, negative minded etc etc.
aiyor, im utterly speechless each time saying about this. *though i've said quite alot lol.
why on earth must those people hating each other, cracking their heads just to get an idea to land the others in hot soup ?????
what's the benefit would they get?
just a grin over their own faces??? *sigh.

well, still the same, ignorance is always bliss.
since i can't change any little things of those BRAINLESS human beings, and i'll promise myself just not to be like how they are. ^^

Just a short update. going to dump into my bookhills.
SPM , COME COME. AND FASTER GO GO. hahahaha!

Yes, i love them. :)

Ying Be'loved is not that weak as well ;)

一堆土到爆的废话.

不懂吃错什么药，突然 si pek 感触。 

中学生涯咋看之下就只剩下那区区的两个月。
回想过去，说精彩不算太精彩，说平淡也不能说是太平淡。
我只能说，我把中学生活过得蛮充实的。

人家都说，女校是一个很奇怪的地方。
"你都不闷吗!? 没男生的也! "
奇怪，难道没了男生，我们这些女生生存不下去？
我们还是一样那么疯，那么三八，那么开心！

虽然，偶尔...就是会这样... 

有时有这样....

但是最常做的.........

XD 

照片让回忆停留在那一瞬间，那最美好的时刻。
刚刚看会以往的照片，突然感触良多，心中有着错中复杂的感觉，很不是滋味。

中学生涯里，我留下很多美好的回忆，但是...
生活总不会一帆风顺，朋友们都经过一次又一次的争吵，感情增进了一步步。
直到今天这种关系，其实...要维系，真的不是一件那么容易的事。



听着 the truth that you leave BY yiruma...
它让我心中更添不少遗憾的滋味。
我曾经因为讲话不经大脑伤害过自己身边的朋友，曾经因为太在意身边的人对我所说的那么一句话伤心了一整天...
因为我们都不善于表达，我们都太在乎对方。
我们都曾经伤害过彼此，冷战过无数次，但是...我们都走到了今天不是吗？

;)

已升上中五的我们，知道大家就将要各走各的。
我们就因为这样多了一个很无厘头的话题。

“以后的我们见到面，还会像现在一样，那么融洽？”
“或许我们不认识对方了吧？”
“或许看到也只剩下一声 HI 和一声 BYE ？”
“可能根本从ah bun 所说的疯狂五连体 剩下4个？3个？还是2个？”
”那第一个不见的肯定是我！”


说完，我们都带着笑脸把话题带过。

老实说，其实...我心中真的有些恐惧和担心。
明明是很要好的朋友，竟然要变成最熟悉的陌生人？
屁！

“ 赛，可能我们十年后带着各自的男朋友回来聚会了呢？”

哈哈哈哈，真的很难想象那时候的我们，究竟变成什么样子了。
或许，我们的 alin 已经有了孩子呢！xD

真希望这个能够实现。
如果这场聚会会发生，那该有多好~~
我会期待。

今天上华文课时，我们都读到了一篇有关朋友的篇章。
说实在，那真的有点土。
什么为朋友赴汤蹈火，出生入死....=.=
但是有些句子，有些话... 或多或少真触动了我内心深处。

的确，到了如今，我才知道....
其实，我并没有很了解他们每一个人。
我有努力过吗？或许没有吧。
我付出过什么？也许诚如我们所说的，生日那天，大家都会狠狠地付出钱包里的那些存了好久的储蓄！

哈哈哈，有够惨的我们。

不过，其实我都感受到大家有多努力维系我们之间的感情。
虽然大家不说出口，其实我们还是相亲相爱的啦～～^^

嘻嘻。
我们的沟通方式，莫过于....

一天，我脸黑坐在自己的位子上。
大家围在一起讨论....
“ 喂喂，他今天做么？”
耸耸肩。
“你去问他看。”
“不要，要死你自己死，杀气那么重。”
....结果，大家继续做功课。

对吧？
哈哈哈哈。

没说出口的关心，这就是我们耍的那一套。
不错哦？
每次生气的那个就会觉得....
"他妈的，慰问一下我会死啊！“

实际上，当别人靠近她开口问时......

翻他一个白眼，继续生闷气。

看啦，这就是我们。
可不是只有我！你们也有份！:D

一起经历的可不是造假的！
谁对谁错，其实根本都不重要了。
哭也哭过了，不开心的都过了。
曾经让你们难受，对不起。
曾经那么让你们不爽，对不起。
曾经说过一些赛话让你觉得我很赛，对不起。
我其实知道我并不是一个很好的朋友，我只能说对不起。

  疯狂五连体+1 的 siao po 们，哇矮丽！

（知道你们作呕，还在骂我假啦。ok lur, 不接受我的爱意，我只好暗恋你们了～～ :D )


废话到这里，谢谢收看。

Boring day doing boring things :S

YES YES YES.

I'M FREAKIN BORED TODAY.

im a person who is soooo active ( or can i say hyper active?? whatever. ;D ) and i don't even feeling like wanting to sit quietly the whole day in front of my table, reading pages after pages of SPM books.
it's super tiring and damn boring!

i think everyone would agree with me for this??

hahahahaha :D

For usual times, i would just take up my phone and text to my friends who are having license asking them whether they are free to fetch me out so that i can leave off the table cluttered with notes and stationery.

but today i didn't.

despite of texting, my Two Two ( a pig rabbit ) somehow winked to me.
and this was why...........

i think i have gone out of my mind, so i would just do such a bai chi thing.

LOLLLLL. 

hahahaha! btw, Two Two is cute! ^^

Lil Gift of Heaven. ^^

yeah yeah, he's my lil SON! hahahaha!

oopss, sorry Ryan's actual mummy. but he's just too cute!

^^

he's actually my nephew within a month's old.

thanks his mummy for bringing him to this world.

and my friends said that he's like a baby model searched from internet!

this is Ryan's leng lui mummy! 

awwww~~ the scene is just so...... hahahaha! ^^

this is Ryan's father! 24 孝老爸~! xD

baby baby baby oh, my baby baby baby oh~~

i just simply love babies!

few months later after they are born, they learn to smile.

few months later again, they learn to laugh.

what their life are simply about ?? 

nothing except eatttt and sleeeeep!

 how innocent and naive they are.

they cry when they need milk, 

they cry when they need sleep, 

they too cry when they need to...*ngk ngk~~ xD

YET they too learn to smile when they are happy.

babies are so straightforward and don't fear to show out their emotions.

how about the other human beings in this world?

... =)

They live in a world of peace and people to them are of good people.

who gives them milk, then who will be the goooood man. 

and they would surely let u hug hug and.. TAKE PHOTOS! 

hahahahah! 

they are just like free models who are just naturally cute and naive!

HE EVEN KNOWS TO DANCE! AMAZING! ^^

SOOOOOOO ENVY OF BABIES! 

i was once a baby too, but sad to say, i had the one and the ONLY ONE of the baby photo in my photo album. =(

perhaps i was just that ugly until my parents didn't want to get me some photos??

hahahahaha.

had u ever seen a baby with her eyesbrows one side BROWN and the other side ORANGE in colour ??

had u even seen a baby with the hair COLOURFUL !?

had you ever seen a baby with half of her face in different colours !?

HAD YOU.. HAD YOU !?

..

...

....

YES. THAT'S ME.

hahahahaha.

unbelievable right?!  im now so normal enough.

FORTUNATELY～～

*FIU~~ ^^

Ying Be'loved xoxo <3

我们都傻

有些事情，不懂好过懂...
有些东西，不看好过看...
做人有时候就是要有点笨，装点傻，日子才会过得快乐。

试图隐藏的情绪，总是那么难受。
虽然向自己最最最最最最信任的朋友诉说出来，但是问题还是存在。
我需要靠自己去克服、去面对、去解决它。
但是我所想到的解决方法，我觉得都不是最好的。
一来，伤感情。
二来，伤自己。
三来，伤身 - 因为无法入眠，吃不饱，睡不好。

但是我还能怎么做？
结果到了最后，我还是选择了隐藏。
我该说自己笨还是傻？

我不想真的变笨啦！装罢了嘛 ><

或许人总是遇到自己最矛盾的时候。
说又不是，不说也不是。
那种感觉，真想撞墙晕倒 一了百了！

人生得一知己，死而无憾。
今天 我有了一个，但是为什么偏偏不满足？

杀了我吧。LOLLL...

最近 荷尔蒙失调 频频EMO 搞什么 =.=

Sometimes, it's good to be stupid :)

i shouldn't online,seriously.
HAHAHAHA.
i saw things that i didn't like, i saw things that i cared but i have to act like nothing is going weird.
im going to be a goooood actress one day, if i can make it.
i really hope that i can be, just for this matter.
then you will be happy, i will be...... anything ;)

these days, i cannot sleep well every night.
i try to find something to distract myself from that matter, and yet each time it comes to night time....
everything returns to zero, again.
what actually annoyed me? what actually makes me feel like im going berserk? what actually i care..in my deep heart???

finally, i got the answer last night.
credits to my bendan friend for consoling me until late in midnight, 3am.
and i nearly let him be scolded by his dad because of using house phone to listen to my sadness.
hahahahhaa.
i really do appreciate your every words that get me to a more relax state. thanks. thanks. thanks...

i don't know whether i can make it or not, changing myself or what.
but i would just try very hard to do it, no matter how much effort i got to do.
i just can't afford to feel depressed anymore on those sucks matter.
i don't deserve all those sadness, right? heeee.

maybe i can laugh, i can smile all the time.
but whether it is from my true heart, i don't know.
from now on, im just willing not to know everything, just look into the person's eye and tell that person, i really don't want to care anymore, i just want us to be happy ever after.
and.. i will try my best to release myself from that stupid circle.
im just getting myself round and round over the same place. maybe it's really enough.

today, i found a place that i can totally forget about everything and after that, i regain my self-confidence, without those things stuffed in my mind.
that is my school's music room, for choir practice. hahahaha.
i found too much satisfaction when i have successfully taught a person to sing out the song correctly.
i found that i meant to be appreciated, i meant to be happy, i meant to have my own world.
why must i trap myself inside that small little circle?
i should step out from there and get a new lease of life.
i worth it. I WORTH IT! 

but to get those stuff away from mind, i do really need some time to mend myself.
im not a supergirl that can delete everything from my mind in few hours' time.
but i will try hard to mend it as fast as i possibly could, or else i will really go insane one day.
hahahahaha.

no more tears, no more sadness, i deserve to have a good sleep and happy life! 


sometimes, it's good to be a stupid. :)

处女座的脆弱

处女座的人，总是那么容易受伤，但是却总是让人看不见。

他们总是在人前嬉皮笑脸，努力用微笑面对大家。

深夜的时候，却会独自躲在房里的一角，默默哭泣。

谁又真的晓得他们心中承受着的那沉重的痛？

不是他们爱爱耍酷，不愿与人分享，而是...

他们往往找不到一个可靠的肩膀让他们安心的靠着，把心里的痛楚都说出来。

脆弱的他们，总是奢望得到别人的保护，别人的关心、关爱。

因为他们最缺乏的，就是那所谓的安全感。

对别人而言，处女座的人总是那么活泼开朗，但是...

有没有人可曾真正去了解过他们的内心深处？

我只能说，懂得处女座的人，真的没有几个。

而没有多少人可以看透了他们心中的恐惧。

人家都说，处女座的人要求甚高，什么事都要做得最完美。

对人、事、物，都一样。

事事都要100分，绝不容许任何瑕疵。

我该说这是好事，还是坏事？

见仁见智吧 =)

可是，有时候因为自己的要求过高，一旦达不到自己想要的，他们就会作茧自缚，责备自己，一个人承受那不必要的压力，却不想让人看出来。

是因为好胜，还是好强？

没人懂，就连他们自己也不了解自己。

躲藏，哭泣 - 这就是他们最常做的事。

他们会想办法解决自己的问题，但是却不会立刻实行。

他们的第一个反应，通常都只是无助地掉泪。

或许过了许久，才会慢慢释放自己。

想太多，就是处女座的本色。

有时候我在想，处女座的人岂不是容易患上忧郁症??

那我就真的太危险了。呵呵。

他们重感情，无论是友情还是爱情，他们总是小心翼翼地保护着。

一旦在乎了，他们就会开始对对方有要求，还要他们务必做到。

嘴巴有时候很毒，但是实际上他们只是用了不一样的方式关心身边的人。

然而这却总是造成了种种误会。

偏偏他们又不爱为自己的行为解释，任由别人误解自己。

跟处女座做朋友，若你不够了解他们，那你就永远无法与他们成为知己，走进他们的心。

他们就是那么傻，那么脆弱，那么需要安全感，那么需要... 一个让自己真正释放自己的胸膛。

Birth-Day! :D

well , i just can't stop myself from thinking nonsense.
i just can't stop my mind from keeping on running.
and all the pictures in it are........ the thing that i don't want to mention for quite some time.
yet , u will never know it. hahahaha. blek~~

ok. back to my main topic.
30/8 is my birthday! and this day in 2011 was.. quite boring.. yet.. it came to happiness at night. ^^
firstly, i was in Genting Highlands in the afternoon.
but i found nothing to be happy, because i was shopping alone in First World.
Yorrrr, i thought it would be fun. but after walking some while and i found that the place was just so small only.
hahahaha. i went into almost every shop! and i got nothing out from those places.
HAHAHAHA, except my cousin's bro present and Famous Amos for my siao kia friends! ^^
nothing for myself..... haih. what a.. PITY.

anything lak ahduii :D

then then i found out that i haven't had my meal and my stomach started to grumble.
and this was the most hatred part.
I LINED UP FOR McD FOR 45MINS JUST TO GET A MCDELUXE SET !?
ohhh that time i gonna shout out WHAT THE F*** !!
AND....
A STUPID GINA BEHIND ME REALLY SO ... !! ARGHH !
it doesn't matter how he looks like, the most important part is..

he kept touching me! purposely or what ?? don't ask me.
ewwww ~ just enough..! i just blared at him and he hid behind his mum.

LOLLLL !

anyway, just end that part.

and next , i was on the way home, sitting in the car for 6-7 hours. reached here around 11.30pm !
greatttt, my birthday was going to over.
and my friend suddenly gave me a call and told me he cannot make it to fetch me out for my greatttt birthday supper.

HOW DISAPPOINTED AM I!

but then he called me again and suddenly told me he can out.
heh ? what's going on ?
hek hek hek~ and this made me suspect something.
and yes, it happened! hahahaha! my siao kia gang was outside of my house! ^^
it didn't really match what i'd imagined, but it's goood enough!
because those siao kia normally cannot out late at night.
and that day we mam mam in Rock Cafe until 2am. wao! what a first time! hahahaha.

YA LAK, YOU GUYS MADE ME ABITTT SURPRISED LO~~ xoxo ^^

and here are all my presents !

from beloved doraemon, wei han & my beloved mon mon, sze chia. ^^

it's a cute tabung. hahaha.

Armani Exchange Sunglasses from my beloved family! ^^

from my family too! - younger bro, huixiong. ^^

waaaa, this ar..my 'beloved' friend lo, zhe han. hahahaha!

p/s : ini DIY one nor! the only one :D

from siao kia friends! they gave me a house built by themselves within 4 days!

awwwww.. touched~~

they all still thought i will HIAM tim, horr??? :D

mmmmuacks! 

and this are the small parts in the house!  

ACTUALLY LEH.. THIS IS VALENTINE'S PRESENT.

perhaps this is a present that came late. hahahha! 

hohoho! and my lui lui! yeaii! it's name is lui lui. ^^

actually it is just a pig pig ju. hahahah! love it!

- from nai ba, kang wei qian :D

and that angry bird bottle, from my beloved didu kia, jia min :D

THANK YOU MY BELOVED ONES! 

mmmmmmmmmmuacks! hug hug* ^^

                                             

Y: recalling it back, my holidays are actually enjoyable enough. shouldn't yearn for more.^^